Recently I was chatting with my friend about how families prefer on having a single child nowadays. She was saying that a second child is not just a choice but can become a financial liability and parents may not be able to raise a second kid if they are just making the ends meet or sometimes their health might not allow. I totally agree on the point that we need to take only measured risks when it comes to a new living being. But there was something jabbing at the back of my mind.
Unlike the English language, the names given to next of kin in my mother tongue can be very specific. We do not generalize the term uncles and aunts to brothers and sisters of the parents. Or even the cousins and in-laws for that matter. For example, periyappa(father's elder brother), chithappa (father's younger brother), periyamma(mother's elder sister), chithi (mother's younger sister) and so on. I try to paint a world where everyone has a single child.If that is the case then slowly these relations will be part of the past. From how I was raised, the mama (mother's brother) plays an important role in his niece's or nephew's life, just like a godfather. Right from the birth to every important occasion of the child is honored by the maternal uncle largely and its quite seriously taken in my culture. My uncles were true to that belief and have been more than involved in every phase of my life. Every child should experience such relations. Sometimes it can be reassuring to know you are always surrounded by caring people.
Let us set aside the role of siblings in rituals, responsibilities. Me and my brother are not bosom buddies. We were born 8 years apart and the time I spent with him was very less. When I was in high school he was in kindergarten and when he grew up I was sent away for college. Then I worked in different cities and now married and settled down in a city far away from where my brother is. When I was a kid I was jealous of him for all the attention he got just because he was a boy baby. He would annoy me the most while going out by wearing clothes that earned us strange looks. The fights would go on forever. But slowly the jealousy vanished. We never got to build rapport like most siblings. We don't talk regularly but we have that mutual care and respect for each other. I also feel a little protective of him. The relationship between us is a little weird. I think he still thinks me as the one with loads of pride. There are very few things that interests both of us alike. I wish I could go back and make him my best friend. Yet just knowing that I have a brother makes me feel strong. If I have kids in future, I want that feeling to be experienced by my kids too - the feeling of having a sibling. However annoying they can be, they are there for you.
Some brothers and sisters have big fights and grow apart but I am sure that they have a corner in their heart that yearns for their togetherness. With Rakshabandan that just passed by, I remembered that I have tied rakhi to my brother only twice or thrice. It was never a practice in my household to celebrate rakhi. I dont think he would mind it that I didn't tie one religiously. Somehow that practice doesn't seem necessary to express that I pray for their well being. I have friends who are brother-like/sister-like and I wish I could have also had them as my own. I share the same love and affection with them and hope to be their sister till death do us part.
Personally having two kids is not just raising two individuals but can develop empathy and care, teaches sharing and accommodation to the future generation and also helps to build a closely knit family and support system for generations to come. No, I do not say that you must but its better if you do. Single kid - too less ; three kids - over the top; two kids - just right.
I pray that the world does not dwindle down to single kid system.
Unlike the English language, the names given to next of kin in my mother tongue can be very specific. We do not generalize the term uncles and aunts to brothers and sisters of the parents. Or even the cousins and in-laws for that matter. For example, periyappa(father's elder brother), chithappa (father's younger brother), periyamma(mother's elder sister), chithi (mother's younger sister) and so on. I try to paint a world where everyone has a single child.If that is the case then slowly these relations will be part of the past. From how I was raised, the mama (mother's brother) plays an important role in his niece's or nephew's life, just like a godfather. Right from the birth to every important occasion of the child is honored by the maternal uncle largely and its quite seriously taken in my culture. My uncles were true to that belief and have been more than involved in every phase of my life. Every child should experience such relations. Sometimes it can be reassuring to know you are always surrounded by caring people.
Let us set aside the role of siblings in rituals, responsibilities. Me and my brother are not bosom buddies. We were born 8 years apart and the time I spent with him was very less. When I was in high school he was in kindergarten and when he grew up I was sent away for college. Then I worked in different cities and now married and settled down in a city far away from where my brother is. When I was a kid I was jealous of him for all the attention he got just because he was a boy baby. He would annoy me the most while going out by wearing clothes that earned us strange looks. The fights would go on forever. But slowly the jealousy vanished. We never got to build rapport like most siblings. We don't talk regularly but we have that mutual care and respect for each other. I also feel a little protective of him. The relationship between us is a little weird. I think he still thinks me as the one with loads of pride. There are very few things that interests both of us alike. I wish I could go back and make him my best friend. Yet just knowing that I have a brother makes me feel strong. If I have kids in future, I want that feeling to be experienced by my kids too - the feeling of having a sibling. However annoying they can be, they are there for you.
Some brothers and sisters have big fights and grow apart but I am sure that they have a corner in their heart that yearns for their togetherness. With Rakshabandan that just passed by, I remembered that I have tied rakhi to my brother only twice or thrice. It was never a practice in my household to celebrate rakhi. I dont think he would mind it that I didn't tie one religiously. Somehow that practice doesn't seem necessary to express that I pray for their well being. I have friends who are brother-like/sister-like and I wish I could have also had them as my own. I share the same love and affection with them and hope to be their sister till death do us part.
Personally having two kids is not just raising two individuals but can develop empathy and care, teaches sharing and accommodation to the future generation and also helps to build a closely knit family and support system for generations to come. No, I do not say that you must but its better if you do. Single kid - too less ; three kids - over the top; two kids - just right.
I pray that the world does not dwindle down to single kid system.
